Match Report
As storm Brian drifted in and sensible folk battened down hatches, a nervous 3rd team assembled in an corrugated iron shack in the middle of an exposed, pond-filled field adjoining the local cemetery. The usual pre-match formalities then took place…”Who are you?”, “Anyone know if anyone has the kit bag?”, “Sorry, we do, but we’re running a bit late.” Although Eastham Vets were aware that we were not a vet side, the life still drained from their tired old eyes as the arrival of myself and Damo was followed by a stream of fast, youthful looking players…until Phil arrived.
A long walk through condom infested waters took us to a slightly elevated part of the field with grass as lush and thick as Nena’s armpit hair (apologies to the many who were not conceived at the time of 99 Red Balloons).
Ramblers dominated the first half, but our early goals were replied to by a persevering Eastham side. There then came the half-time talk. Damo was already barracking the captain and the goalkeeper for being to slow to the huddle and clearly had something he wanted to say as he took his position at the centre, poured out his tea from his camping flask and waited for the captain to say a few inconsequential words which dully ensued.
He then delivered his inspirational half-time talk. “Right, let’s focus on the negatives lads. We can talk about the positives after the game.” To be fair, the team took up the advice that then followed about moving the ball quickly and a couple of 2nd half goals were not replied to taking us to a 4-2 victory
The good news was that the corrugated iron hut was still standing, but no working showers were available to restore the enviable glory of shrivelled parts of our anatomy.
3 goals to Ant, 1 to Rob, MOM goes to Dom Cooke (despite also scoring), great performance and organisation from Damo, Phil very strong on the left and a wealth of talent in midfield.