Liverpool Ramblers 1st XI vs Whitegate

Match Report

Match Report- Liverpool Ramblers v Whitegate – 21st October 2017

It had been a while for yours truly and as such the sense of anticipation was palpable as I parked my car amidst the puddles at Moor Lane. In truth I have struggled to keep abreast of what is real and what is not real when presented through the teams’ “Invincibles” whats app group. I spend most of my time deleting the messages before my children play with my phone. That being said I was alive to the present issues within the side. On arrival I was contemplating the following;

Is this  1st eleven invincible?

Is Bagpuss as enthusiastic in other parts of his life?

Is Lee Cattermole our captain?

We were facing familiar foes in Whitegate who are normally a strong and committed side.  I will come to the game shortly but once again the rumours through the whats app group were intriguing me.

First, Holt was not able to attend. An epic fail for which Cattermole is likely to fine. What was most perplexing was how he had managed to miss the game by such a huge geographical distance! His absence along with Williamson depriving the rest of us from observing their unique and exceptional team work and ability to out number their opponents in certain positions! Perhaps I will be fined for that one?

Second, could it be true? Mornington set to return from exile in the vets, 3rd and 4th s to spearhead the attack.

I went out to the pitch and there he was, Per Mertesacker, ready to play up top with gloves on (fine). But where was his follow bitter blue, Nelson? He emerged just before kick off, so far as one is aware,  the first player to ever play in goals for the ramblers with a confirmed diagnosis of Tinder Induced Blindness (TIB). In fact I am led to understand that his tinder activities have become so intense that, like Ross Barkley, he no longer feels able to play in Liverpool and he will now be forced to target his prey in the farm shops and craft fares of Tarporley

Oh yes the game!!! The ramblers lined up with Per up front and with Martin and Phillips supporting from the flanks. Handley (high from protein) and Kinners (high as usual from horse manure) in the midfield were mobile and strong.  Mertesacker opened the scoring with a strong header from a great cross from Handley.

Tom Martin was smelling goals and the finest sausages. He scored a hat trick in relatively short time with his usual nimble footwork and short back lift when shooting.  Uncharacteristic mistakes from the Whitegate defence resulted in the game being beyond them at this point. Apparently under Cattermole both goal scorers and assists are recorded, although quite how you get an assist for aimlessly launching the ball forward is beyond me. Perhaps Gendall can explain. There were no such mistakes from the Ramblers defence with Gendall playing at right back with the stalwarts of Liam, as stand in skipper and Duffy at Centre half. Other notable incidents from the first half involved an allegation of a  dive being levied at our young left back Kyle Egan. My own view is that he went down like  Dele Ali performing a Craig Revel-Horwood choreographed dance number but he, naturally,  claims there was contact!

The best goal in the first half involved some lovely inter play from Phillips and Martin which ended up with Phillips casually cutting in on to his left foot and slotting a finish in the top corner! In such conditions that was really a top quality goal. Shame I was in no way involved.

The second half was a bit more of a war of attrition as the conditions deteriorated. However, as a testament to the team moral I did not hear much or in fact anything by way of complaints or moaning. Shamelessly Cattermole and some bloke dressed like David Unsworth watched from the tunnel!

In the second half we managed to score more goals with the game ending up 9 nil to the ramblers. I think in truth we stopped passing it as well as we could have done, perhaps as individuals were looking for personal glory and as we started to move less.

My favourite moment, reminiscent of that classic Fair moment at Cambridge a few years back, was Gendall’s swan dive when through on goal. Inexplicably he was no longer able to run (which is not often a problem for him). Two theories were postulated. (1) As a former captain he was concerned that the score was getting a little too heavy (2) that his confidence in his own ability to finish is so low that he would rather jump on the floor than miss a one on one with the keeper and suffer the usual abuse from Mornington. Both seem equally plausible to me.

Finally, the game was rounded off with Kinners being accused of diving to win a penalty by the Whitegate full back on the basis that he was fairly tackled! It was therefore suggested that, in light of the injustice, Per should pass the penalty back to the Whitegate keeper. Per did not!



Date Time League Season
October 21, 2017 2:30 pm Garrison Cup 2017-18


Moor Lane
14 Moor Ln, Thornton, Liverpool L23 4TW, UK


Club1st Half2nd HalfGoals
Liverpool Ramblers 1st XI459
Whitegate United000