Match Report
“Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved, how well we played football?” –Odysseus (Troy)
Okay, okay… I may have added that last line, but mark my words men, many moons from now they will sing songs of this victory. Oh yes, based on this performance if the Ramblers were around in the time of Troy I’m sure we would have sacked the city without a Trojan horse.
Indeed, the portents were good. We had a strong squad of 15 on home soil against the invading Chester Nomads on a fine sunny September day; but few predicted the imperious victory that followed.
Some sacrifices were made before kick off resulted and the two new recruits, Joe and Chris, were traded to St Mary’s Old Boys to be blooded in against the Veteran Ramblers. Unfortunately, after some friendly fire from the Vets we soon lost another sub to St Mary’s cause. Therefore, having started the day with an abundance of riches we were now reduced to one sub.
We lined up in a 3-5-2 Phalanx formation with Ant “Zeus” Chow and Danny “Achilles” Brown leading the line up front. The Nomads started strong and for the first 10 minutes we were under bombardment. Eastwood looked like he was wondering around no man’s land in shell shock whilst planning his next 10 substitutions with only man on the sidelines. Newton, however, was the rock upon which we built our church and the iron fist upon which the Nomads fell and we weathered the storm.
After all, Achilles only needs one opportunity to strike and as soon as he got the oversized Nomad defenders on his back foot Danny put them to the sword. 1-0. Amateur footage of the event is available here . It was brutal.
But still the Nomads came again. This time Zeus rose to the occasion and given a flicker of a chance he fired a lightning bolt low and hard from outside the box into the bottom corner of the net. 2-0.
Yet still they came… not to be outdone, Achilles bounded forward and struck the ball faster than a cannonball, it knocked over the keeper and two Nomads like bowling pins and carried on into the net. 3 chances, 3 goals. Gods favour the bold.
Yet Eastwood wanted annihilation. Not content with the offering thus far he called ‘Big’ Danny into the arena. But when you unleash the beast, you can’t always control what you have summoned. Like an elephant on the battlefield, everything in his path got crushed, including the ball. Unfortunately, someone forgot to explain the rules of football to the Beast and he handled the ball in the box. Penalty. Goal. 3-1. It was swiftly dispatched and a reminder that the Nomads were no push over. After all, not even Dom ‘the Cookie Monster’ Cooke could stop the penalty.
Little did the Nomads know that they were only enraging the gods. Soffe had been released from the dungeon of nets and started pinging balls into the box with the accuracy of Apollo’s arrows. One of them was floated in so fast and accurately that Sudderick only managed to reach it flying through the air on what must have been a winged horse at the back post. It was a jumping, floating volley in mid-air. Majestic. 4-1
Zeus, however, cannot be toppled from mount Olympus and to reassert his dominance he sent one of Newton’s crosses thundering into the top corner on another volley from outside the box. An early contender for goal of the season. 5-1
By this time Big Danny had quickly mastered the basics and the penalty decision only served to make him angry. You don’t want to make him angry. He started pinging cross-field balls around the pitch with the accuracy of a sniper and he also landed the killer blow with a lob of the Nomad’s keeper. 6-1.
When the dust had settled. Achilles had sustained an ankle injury but the day was won.
MoM – Danny ‘Achilles’ Brown