Match Report
It’s not often the Ramblers get an audience for our flawless, fearless football but when Dom, Damo and Danny all showed up on the sidelines we knew we had to put on a performance.
In what is turning into the best start to our season since 1894 (when Dom last scored), thankfully we rose to the occasion. Sadly, the referee did not. He left after 20 minutes because he didn’t realise that you should never argue with idiots… they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Arguing with our oppo was a bit like playing chess with a pigeon…no matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway. But nobody out-struts the Ramblers 3XI…
We piled on the pressure from the off and were 2-0 up within 10 minutes. Matt and Colin were particularly effective in controlling the centre of the pitch and before the first goal we had a few chances until Smithy decided to wind up the power shot… it was too hot to handle for their keeper and the captain of Vice, Luke, popped up like an energetic gopher at the back post to pounce on the rebound and seal the deal. 1-0.
Inspired by Smithy’s strong shooting, Ollie also decided that he would let the Avenue keeper ‘feel the power’. Thankfully, the keeper never got the chance as a decisive deflection of Ollie’s long range effort saved the keeper from what would have been an undoubtedly unpleasant experience. 2-0
Down but not out, Avenue showed some real quality with a superb free kick in off the crossbar. It was simply unstoppable. No chance for the keeper. 2-1
A flicker of hope inspired the oppo to shut up and play football for about 5 minutes and we looked like we had a real game on our hands. But if you really want to break a man’s spirit, it’s not enough to beat him, you need to give him some hope only to crush it before his eyes. You see, it’s not the pain of defeat that stings the hardest, it’s the hope that kills you.
Luke dealt what was effectively the fatal blow, by turning their defender inside out in the box only for him to fall flailing at the ball, clutching for the dignity that was just out of his grasp, only to clearly handle the ball instead. Penalty. Cue the avalanche of avian excrement. Referee exit stage left…
What the situation needed was a cool head used to dealing with childish tantrums. Cometh the hour, cometh the school teacher. Colin agreed to ref and the game was back on.
Smithy was unfazed by the commotion and calmly stepped up to dispatch the penalty. 3-1.
Halftime, and the most disappointing thing about the match so far was the lack of oranges at the break.
We started the second half as we ended the first and, like the triple D’s on the sidelines, it was clear that we were well stacked up top. Ben was too much of a handful for any man to contain. His curving runs, voluptuous dribbling and bountiful balls made a real tit of the Avenue defenders.
Tom also had a plenty of success down the left with a cunningly disguised step inside, repeatedly. When the time was righty he picked his spot and let rip. Having been bruised and battered by the previous deflections no Avenue player dared to put their body on in the line of this shot. 4-1.
But like a tiger playing with his prey, we let them back into the match again. A break down the left and their CF found himself on the edge of the six yard box for a simple finish. 4-2. Avenue were cock-a-hoop and started strutting again.
Tom took umbrage and bounded forward with intent. He did the still surprisingly effective Soffe shuffle, dipped his shoulder and stepped inside to unleash hell. By this stage Avenue knew their fate was sealed; in an act of Seppuku they fell on their own sword and finished Soffe’s chance with a long range wonder own-goal instead.
The Ramblers won the match 5-2 but the real winner didn’t even step foot on the pitch. In extra time the Ambassador became a father to a little baby girl. Congratulations pal, the circle of life continues.
MotM: honourable mentions for Ollie, Tom, and Jon who were tireless. But Ben was my man of the match and deserved a goal for his efforts.