Liverpool Ramblers 1st XI v Liverpool Ramblers 2nd XI

Match Report

After last year’s shock defeat to the 2’s, the 1’s knew that their honorable position as top team was at risk of being questioned. The thought of a defeat this year was unimaginable. After showing sign of recreating the great 2003 Arsenal invincible’s feat, the Ramblers unbeaten run was now at 9 games. Today’s ‘la decima’ now had even greater importance.

Heading into the game, numbers were low. Barely scraping together 11 and with the majority of the Abbey Gate faithful only turning up for the bigger games, a certain hungover Ollie Handley would be starting in goal – arriving late, displaying a shit-stained kit not washed from the week before and off the back of a BIG night out in Nantwich. This would be Ollie’s last game this year for the Ramblers as he is off to New Zealand to try and lose his virginity….

No Ric Flair this week, apparently too busy for this crunch game – probably out shopping for poor fitting trousers. Priorities.

Moor Lane was in particularly good condition considering the time of year and following heavy rainfall from the week previous. No dog shite. Freshly cut. Clear white lines. Just how the Ramblers like it.

The forever faithful 3-5-2 formation resumed and the familiar spine at the back of Egan, Doherty and Duffy. White and Bradders Bro on the wings ready to run riot. With no Ben Phillips available as he was away with his girlfriend buying tampons and matching pajamas, the centre of midfield belonged to Kresnyak and Newton.

Captain Holt and Shields leading from the front ready to penetrate. Giggity!!!

After some pre-match kick ups and a cross bar challenge or two, the referee called for captains. The 1’s started well with a fast paced influx of pressure that the 2’s couldn’t handle. A long Rory Delap style throw from White found its way into the mixer to be met by the flying forehead of a Jason Statham lookalike – Doherty hammered home. The 2’s were stunned and after a piercing ball into the box moments later from White, Captain Holty smashed home from 5 yards. VAMOS!!!

2-0 up with half an hour gone and the 1’s were awarded a penalty. During last week’s game at Pinehurst, Holty decided to slap a young boy and concede a penalty. This week, the tides had turned and Holty was pulled down by some erratic 2’s defending. Following some flirting and shoddy banter from an old 1’s ‘legend’ in Bagpuss, Captain Holty tactically decided to blast the ball 40 meters over the goal to give the 2’s hope. He then also subbed himself off. Noble.

However, after half time there was no hope for the 2’s and their rightful position as team B was underlined. A deep cross from White found the head of Shields to take the 1’s 3-0 up. Looking to now humiliate and embarrass the 2’s for last year’s defeat, the 1’s quickly slotted two more. One from Shields and the final goal from White on his left peg.  It could have been 20, however it seemed fitting to finish at 5.

Win:      5:0


On to the next…


Man of The Match:         E White





Shields x2




White x2




Date Time League Season
November 23, 2019 11:00 am 1st XI Fixtures 2019-20


Moor Lane
14 Moor Ln, Thornton, Liverpool L23 4TW, UK